Poker Face
Jack
Jack, the chief operations officer of a digital banking firm, was the sort of leader that everyone admired. He was kind and friendly, and he had a gift for connecting with individuals and instilling confidence in his staff. On the other hand, Jude was an emotional person (or a sensitive strive).
He found it difficult to conceal his emotions at inconvenient moments, and his facial expressions often revealed his actual thoughts — even when it didn’t help him or others.
Jack once told me about a challenging customer encounter during which his emotions and caring nature took over. Jack had been brought in as COO to mediate a series of confrontations between the client and Jack’s frontline crew.
As Jack explained a strategy for resuming the project, the customer stopped and pelted him with many worries and objections. Jack attempted to stay diplomatic and authoritative, but his voice started to quiver, his eyes wandered about the room, and he struggled to come up with replies and forceful retorts. Jude was ashamed that he had lost his cool and knew that, as a leader, he would undoubtedly confront circumstances in which he would have to keep a poker face.
I’ve seen how a leader’s perception and sensitivity to others can boost morale, inspire trust, and foster a great work environment. After all, emotions are unquestionably a crucial tool for leaders. Joy, passion, and excitement may increase motivation, but camaraderie and connection can increase cooperation.
But these delicate individuals often ask me, “How do I keep a poker face?” The most effective leaders know that, although showing your emotions might be beneficial most of the time, there are certain situations in which doing so can backfire, as Jude learned first-hand.
Maintaining conscious control over your reactions during a crucial meeting, a review of your work, or any other business interaction may be challenging.
Keeping a poker face does not necessarily entail lying or suppressing your feelings. It involves being conscious of your body language and facial expressions and using them strategically to control your emotions. Here are the steps to take.
Select situations wisely
A poker face is not appropriate for every setting, nor should it be used as a constant mode of communication. More concealment, too frequently, might make you look less trustworthy, competent, and pleasant. To feel psychologically comfortable and to guide their judgments, your team, co-workers, and clients often need to witness how you respond in leadership. So, how do you know when to put on your poker face?
Consider the following:
● What effect would expressing my feelings have on my goals? Using a poker face while attempting to create connections and rapport may come off as dishonest or indifferent, yet it may be helpful to preserve your position when bargaining.
● What am I supposed to do in this interaction? For example, if you’re leading a meeting, you should be more confident and forceful, but if you’re a participant, you should be more open and receptive.
● Is it okay for me to display vulnerability in this situation? Consider if the scenario requires a more cautious approach or whether it is okay to be more open, as well as your style and what seems more natural to you.
● What are the norms of the individuals or organizations I’m communicating with? Distinct cultures and groups have distinct expectations for emotional expressiveness. Adjust your conduct as needed.
Find your tells
A tell in poker is a subtle shift in conduct that might reveal whether you have a good or terrible hand. Identifying your tells — the physical or behavioral clues that reveal your emotions or intentions — may help you regulate your reaction and keep a poker face in suitable settings.
Observe yourself in various circumstances as you engage with others throughout the day. Take notice of any patterns that emerge when you are calm instead of when you are frightened, concerned, furious, or agitated. You could comb your hair, sway or shake in your chair, or avoid making eye contact. My inclination to bite or pick at my nails when I’m stressed is a long-standing habit I’ve tried hard to overcome.
Record yourself in various settings and analyze the tape for tells if feasible. You may also ask a trustworthy mentor or co-worker to reflect on trends that they’ve seen that you aren’t aware of.
Be aware of your body language.
You don’t want to come off as a cold, stern statue when you employ a poker face. You’ll be more effective if you keep your facial expressions warm. To relax your emotions, take a few slow, deep breaths and picture releasing all the stress from your face. Loosening your jaw and sliding your tongue away from the roof of your mouth are two examples. Soften your glance as well. If you’re feeling tight or apprehensive, you may unknowingly narrow your eyes or fixate on something, so try concentrating on a distant spot to relax your eye muscles.
Maintaining a poker face entails paying attention to your tone of speech. Speak slowly and quietly. Reduce your speaking rate, which may increase if you are angry or scared. To develop a deeper and more resonant voice, speak from your diaphragm (lower abdomen). Find neutral terms that advance the discourse without revealing your point of view, such as “That’s interesting” or “Help me understand…”
Interrupt your internal eruptive process.
The more you can manage your emotions, the simpler it will be to express them in a manner you are proud of. With easy strategies to relax your nervous system, you may practice responding rather than reacting:
● Techniques for grounding: Count backward from 100, find five items in the room that have the same color, or tighten and relax your muscles.
● Visualization: Consider imagining yourself in a quiet, relaxing place like a beach or forest.
● Exposure to cold: Hold an ice-cold glass, suck on an ice cube, or spray cold water on your face.
Remember that keeping a poker face does not imply concealing your emotions or acting robotically. Awareness of your facial expressions and body language is vital to communicate successfully and accomplish your objectives. Believe in your capacity to be cool, calm, and collected in adversity.
